Thursday, September 27, 2012

When good women go bad

Just after I found out I was pregnant I was scrolling through some of the Bounty forums and came across a forum called DIF13 (Due in February 2013). I clicked into it and they had a link to a facebook group that had been set up for all Mummies who were pregnant and due in February next year. So I decided to join the group. I thought that, as a first time mummy, it would be a really good way of getting some support, information and be able to share things that I didn't necessarily want to share with the hubby or questions that I wanted real answers for.

This group now (up until last night) has well over 180 members. It was a really special place to be; members could post inane things about their pregnancy, how they were feeling or indeed just chat about their life! We uploaded 12 week scan pictures and then gender scan pictures and it was all so supportive and friendly and helpful. People posted questions that they felt they couldn't really ask anyone else and get real, honest and experienced answers. 

This was, until yesterday. Unfortunately, one of the mummies in the group gave birth to a stillborn baby last week. Utterly devastating and something which, I just cannot even begin to comprehend. I lived in fear for the first 12 weeks of miscarriage and now I live in fear of something being wrong with my baby or, indeed, having a stillbirth. I hope never to have to go through this, the pain of losing a child, I am sure, must be like no other. 

Anyway, everyone in the group has been sooo supportive of this wonderfully strong and brave mummy and, even though she felt she should now leave the group, everybody begged her to stay. So she did. 

A situation arose when she uploaded a picture of her son. A beautiful picture which she felt comfortable enough with us to be able to share with us. 99% of people were supportive and said how brave she was for uploading the photo. However, she had said in advance, if anybody would prefer her not to put the picture in the group, then to let her know and she wouldn't. It appears no one did. So she went ahead and put the picture up. 

A day later, one of the group members made a very public complaint about the picture, saying how she found it upsetting. And this is where the problem began. This poor woman who has lost her child, was then ostracised by various members and indeed, the lady who complained about the picture has also had a variety of criticism laid against her. 

I'm not writing this to pass judgement on either of the women or on their opinions at all. But it did become apparent, that, actually, this group of women, who all thought they were in the same situation and felt comfortable enough to share some pretty intimate information, actually do not know each other at all. We are all complete strangers. We don't know each other at all and therefore how much can we truly rely on each other for support and, to some extent, discretion about each other's most intimate details. 

In a way it smacks of cyber bullying; just in the way a child can be vilified for having an opinion and experience hate and abuse on their own facebook/social media sites. Aren't we old enough to know better as adults? Shouldn't we have grown out of this by now? 

I, for one, am going to be extremely careful with what I share with this group from now on. I still value their experience, their knowledge and indeed their support and also it's not to say I haven't actually made some really good friends through this group, I have. But I still think there needs to be some degree of thought into what I say to these ladies and to remember that, actually, I don't know these women at all. 

Has anybody had any experience of support groups in pregnancy? How did you find them? 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I'm a Stella and Dot Winner!

I entered a competition on Avril's School Gate Style blog, back in June, to win a piece of jewellery. I entered it without much hope of winning, as, I am not one of the people that win things. I have never won anything remotely interesting in my life. The most we get is about £2.50 on the lottery plus five draw! So I very much doubted I would be in with any chance of winning.

The competition was to win a piece of jewellery from an online shop called Stella and Dot. It was a brand I had heard little about, mostly on other people's blogs, but hadn't ever bought anything from there. It is a fabulous shop! Not all that cheap, but has some real different pieces of jewellery and not just ones to fit the latest trends; they produce timeless, classic pieces, a bit like the Corso Cuff that I was trying to win. 

The competition asked you to go to their website and choose one piece from their Summer collection that stood out to you, stating why you had chosen that piece. I chose the Lindsay bangle - the gorgeous colour of pink matched with some fuscia jeans I had at the time (I still have them, but they are pre-pregnancy sizing!) and I chose that piece as I thought it would match perfectly with the jeans (unfortunately you didn't win the piece you chose as well!). 

Anyway I made my choice, entered my details on Avril's blog and then promptly forgot all about it. Until I got an email and a tweet from the lovely Avril saying I had won! I actually couldn't believe it. I hadn't won some naff bubble bath on a tombola, I had won a fairly expensive bracelet! It made my day, my week in fact. 

So I thought I should show you the piece and encourage you all to take a look at Stella and Dot's website as the A/W 2012 should be just as fabulous as the Summer collection. Also, whilst you're at it, please take some time to go and visit Avril at School Gate Style - I love her collection of affordable fashion and she also runs some excellent competitions! 


Sunday, September 23, 2012

Nails of the month

I have never ever liked false nails. I've seen lots on other people and also tried ones on myself; but they never looked right. They didn't seem to fit the size of my nails properly and they always looked, well, false!

I remember one Christmas I made the terrible mistake of getting false gel nails the day before Christmas Eve. I went to a really reputable and popular salon so I thought I would end up with lovely, shiny, new nails for Christmas. Did that happen? No. They looked horrendous, false, too long, not wide enough and generally awful. I hated them from the moment they went on until the moment, sometime late on boxing day, when I finally hacked them off (Yes I am aware that is not the way to get gel nails off).

So, false nails and myself have never really get on. Until I saw Broadway Impress false nails on someones blog (albeit they were in neon pink) and they looked really good. I googled them and a few other blogs came up with people showing off the various patterns you can get. So I decided to give them a go.

Now I don't think they are all that cheap for falsies (£8.99) and I was still skeptical as to whether I would like them, but everyone had such good things to say about them so I went along to Boots and got some.

Again, on taking them out of the packaging (which is a nail varnish shaped bottle by the way) I was still skeptical. But, I have to say I was more than a bit impressed. They were so easy to put on. I laid them all out in size order for my nails (and it says leave your thumb until last!) and all you do is peel off the sticky tab at the back and put them on your nails pressing down hard for a few seconds. So easy and so quick; no messy glue to contend with.

This sticky bit that held them in place didn't look like it was up to the job but I managed to keep them on for just over a week (before I got bored) and they didn't ping off or chip or anything! Very impressive from false nails. I really liked the pattern I went for and lots of people commented on how nice they were and how they didn't look like false nails at all! So, all in all, I would thoroughly recommend Broadway Impress nails!

Boots and Superdrug have a variety of different pattens for about £8.99.

What do you think?

Saturday, September 22, 2012

17 Weeks

Hello readers

If you have found me from my old site, thank you so so much! The fact that you have taken the trouble makes me happy! If you have just happened to across this blog then welcome!

I took a long break from blogging over the Summer. I wanted to think about if I still wanted to do this and it turns out I do, but I want it to be more fun and not writing things because that's what I think people expect. So this is a new blog and a new start. 

I've nearly posted this quite a few times now, but, even though I didn't think I was superstitious, it turns out I am! Or I am to some extent. Today marks the 17th week of my pregnancy with my first baby. 

The road to getting pregnant wasn't as easy as I had been led to believe! It was approaching nearly 12 months and we decided to stop thinking about and just get on with life and then it happens! It's a bit cliched I'm afraid, but that's really what happened. So it was a shock and a surprise but in a fantastically good way. So ever since I saw those double lines on the that stick I have lived in fear of something going wrong. At first I worried about early miscarriage; but we had an early scan at 8 weeks (due to me thinking I was further on than I thought!), then I worried that there would be nothing there at the 12 week scan (there was, photo above as proof!) and then I stopped worrying for a week or so... Then a dog jumped up at me and I worried something bad might happen. Then I worried when I fell over (not even landing on my belly) and now I suppose I am worried what the 20 week anomoly scan will show. But this worry is different, I think it's the normal worry a Mum feels about her child. The kind of worry, that, I guess, I am going to have to get used to! 

So above is little baby bean. We are going to find out in a few weeks whether we are having a girl or boy bean and then the planning will really start! 

So I am back (albeit in a different blog) and I intend to stick around to bore you all with pregnancy diaries, nail varnishes I have found, cakes I have made and general inane chat about our life whilst we wait for baby bean to arrive in March. 

mummystarting out