To Charlie. Now you're 9 months

Dear Charlie,

I cannot believe you are now 9 months. I know that's a bit cliched and all mummies say that, but I can't actually get my head around how fast the time has flown since you were born. You have now been out in the world for as long as you were inside me. When I was pregnant with you time dragged until I finally met you and now I feel like time is just slipping away!

So, in terms of your development and progress you are really amazing. You can now crawl very fast across the room and you can also pull yourself up on the furniture and walk along it. You have tried to take a few steps only holding on with one hand - you are certainly getting brave! Your Granny walked at 9 months, so I don't think it will be long before you are walking!

You are a really good eater and you eat almost anything! The only thing you seem to dislike is broccoli, which is odd as you loved it when it was pureed. You pick up the crumbs you've left on you're walker so we have to make sure you don't pick up anything that's on the floor. You love a roast dinner but you're favourite meal is definitely Dairylea on toast! Mummy now loves it too, which is weird as I used to hate it but now I have it for breakfast every day!

You are now really settled at the childminder's, not that we had any problem to begin with. But of course I was worried about leaving you. But knowing you are so happy to see Lisa every day really makes it much easier to leave you there. I still wish I was at home with you but I have to work so that we can all do things as a family. You also have a little friend there called Bella who adores you and you love playing with her.

It is nearly time for your first Christmas and I cannot wait! Your Granny has bought you a Santa's Little Helper outfit to wear on Christmas Day! I know you're Daddy isn't too keen but I think you're going to look very cute! We put our decorations up last weekend and you are so intrigued by the tree. I think you're getting a bit fed up with constantly being told 'No!' as you lunge towards the branches! However, you learnt your lesson when you pulled too hard on a branch and the whole thing toppled over onto you. Mummy wasn't happy as your broke the bauble which says 'baby's first Christmas.' However, your sister painted you your own special bauble at the weekend and it now hangs proudly on the tree. We are taking you on the Santa train this weekend and I am really excited; I know you won't understand it, but you'll still have fun and you'll get a little pressie.
We will be spending Christmas with my parents and they just can't wait to see you again; you are definitely going to be one spoilt baby this Christmas!

You are such a happy smiley boy and I am really proud of the little character that is becoming you. You always have smiles for everybody and everyone thinks you are such a charming little boy. Everyone tells me how cute and beautiful you are and I am very proud of you.

You're actually nearly 10 months old now and after Christmas it will be time to start planning your first birthday! I think mummy and you are going to share a party as mummy will be 30 the day before your 1st birthday.

Merry Christmas baby x

My beauty favourites at the moment

Since I had a baby my skin has definitely been different. It used to be oily all the time but now it is a bit of both. I cannot use thick, indulgent face creams as they are too heavy and clog up my face. I had been using Liz Earle before Charlie and then I was in Boots one day and wanted a cheapie one to tide me over for a bit. I found one from the Soap and Glory range which said it highlighted 'youth.' Sold it to me on that one! It was actually really good and it worked for my skin. However when I went to replace it, I couldn't find it on the shelves any more. I was really disappointed and so had to start looking around for another one. Once again, I didn't want a really expensive one as sometimes I use them for a few weeks and then have to change anyway as they don't suit y skin. Boots had an offer on their Botanics range and I picked up the 'Shine Away' Day cream and Night cream. I have to be honest, I am not keen on the smell, but as the product description says, it does banish shine and leaves a matte finish. I have found that by lunch time the skin around my nose can be a bit oily, but I have only been using it for a week or so, so I will see how it goes. It definitely seems to take the shine away though.

I kept reading about the Nivea in shower body moisturiser and I keep thinking 'what a swizz.' I had little faith in the product being any use at all, especially as a moisturiser. Oh how wrong I was. Again, it actually does what it says on the tin! It leaves your skin feeling as though you have applied moisturiser. However, the downsides are that if you don't rinse well, I feel like it 'sits' on my skin and feels a bit clammy. It also says to use your normal body wash first. Hmmm, I am trying to save time here and that doesn't feel like I am doing. I don't do that bit anyway. I just slather it on anyway.  I didn't realise, but they also do a version for dry skin. I wish I had got that one, so I am going to try that when this one runs out.

Since having Charlie I have had awful skin on my hands. It started out like a bit of eczema just on one finger. Then it spread. It starts with little blister like bubbles which can pop and then the skin starts to split and bleed and becomes really dry and then flakes away. It got that bad that I went to the doctor about it as I have never had anything like this before. He called it something like 'popplits' or something and prescribed some steroid cream. But the cream says to still use an emollient. So I popped to the chemist one day to ask what they recommended for very, very dry skin besides E45 as that hadn't touched it. The pharmacist recommended something called 'Lotil' which I had never heard of. She couldn't find any and it took her ages and she had to go rooting upstairs but eventually handed me a tube of cream for which she asked the sum of 15p for! Yes 15p! She didn't know why either but she was happy to sell it to me for that. I used it every day and it really helped and if I miss a day, I certainly feel and see the difference immediately. I went back to get some more and this time asked for a tub and it came to £5.81! A bit odd, think Lloyds pharmacy have some pricing issues going on there. But anyway, it's worth paying that for as it is so good and is, so far, the only thing to help my poor hands. I've noticed that the more I wash my hands and get them wet the worse it gets. Cleaning products start peeling my skin away immediately, it's horrendous. I have had to start using rubber gloves to wash up and to clean up with. I need some dry soap - is that even a product yet? It should be.

As a new mum, who recently went back to work, I have developed big black circles under my eyes. Charlie's sleep pattern is still all over the place and I talked on here a while back about how we had done sleep training with him. Well, he still goes to bed as normal but can wake 2-3 times a night still. Therefore my eyes are not looking the best. The only concealer I have found to make any difference and actually last all day is Benefit's Erase Paste. It really is magical stuff and it is strong enough to take being rubbed into the skin (gently). Unlike some which start to rub off onto your finger tips even as you're still applying it!

The final product I am loving is Maybelline's Colour Show nail varnish. Dead cheap, but goes on like a dream and stays on for a few days. I love the deep purply colours and wine colours they have. I started wearing them at the start of Autumn as they are definitely a colour for the season.

I feel like, now I am a mum, and supposed to be a bit more grown up, that I need to be a bit more mature when it comes to my skin and start to look after it a bit more. I am (argh) 30 not long after Christmas and my skin is no longer fit and healthy and 20 years old. It needs some TLC and it needs looking after. I think skincare will definitely be a New Year's resolution for me!

I am now on the look out for a really good body scrub; a hair mask for dry and damaged hair and some fabulous rubber gloves to protect my hands from water!

Any products you recommend?

Project Shoebox

At school we always do the Operation Christmas Child shoebox appeal. If you haven't heard of it it's basically an appeal each year for a shoebox full of presents for a little boy or girl who is less fortunate than ourselves somewhere around the world. I'm a massive fan of this and really encourage my students to get involved and contribute.

So, I was really interested when I came across Project Shoebox through another blog. Basically Project Shoebox was set up to help vulnerable women at Bromley's Women's refuge by providing a box full of toiletries - items that would often get left behind when women have to flea from their homes because of domestic violence.

So basically, you send a box with lovely toiletries in to help out these women. The boxes can have all sorts in - cotton wool, tissues, shampoo, hairbrush, toothpaste, sanitary items, plus more luxury items too! Any items are gratefully accepted and are always needed. How many toiletry items do us women have in our cupboards that we don't need and aren't going to use? I know I have loads of extra bits and pieces, like packets of tissues and toothpaste etc.

The founder of the project originally had an initial target of 40 boxes. Last week the total so far rose to 45 boxes.

If you would like to know more or help out yourself then please visit Project Shoebox on facebook.

My Christmas wish list

So December is here, at last! I love Christmas; I love the traditions, the festivity, the good mood people tend to be in. I love going around the shops with Christmas music playing in the background. It's my favourite part of the year. I also enjoy choosing presents for people and wrapping them up beautifully. Of course I also enjoy buying the odd thing for myself too!

However this year, I have less money than normal, what with childcare costs! So I have created a Christmas wish list in case Santa is reading!

1. A personal planner from personal-planner.co.uk.
I have admired these for quite a few years ago, seeing them first on another blog. You can totally customise your planner with pictures and different colours and dates etc. I 'may' have mentioned I want one to my mum!

2. Chanel Chance. 
A girl's gotta have some Chanel, right? Not cheap enough to buy throughout the year really. I always have this on my Christmas list, it's my signature scent and I have worn it since I was about 18.

3. Clinique Take The Day Off Balm. 
I went off Clinique for quite a while as it really didn't do anything for my skin. I discovered Liz Earle and jumped on the hot cloth cleanser wagon. But actually, I've gone off it a bit. To be honest it's a bit of a faff to do that twice a day. I'd rather just swipe my face with a cream and some cotton wool. I've heard great things about this from quite a few bloggers so I am willing to reacquaint myself with Clinique again.

4. Chanel Vernis nail colour in Rouge Noir. 
What can I say? Perfect colour for the Christmas season!

5. Boden Easy Pocket Dress.
I saw this dress on Avril, from School Gate Style and thought it was fabulous, but a little pricey when I've got a eight month old baby! However, it's got 30% off at the moment so it is very tempting. This would sort my Christmas Day outfit out!

So Santa, I have been really, really good this year....

On being back at work

So, I really thought that, by now, I would have got used to being at work and leaving my boy with the childminder. Turns out, I'm not. I miss him terribly. Someone please tell me that it does eventually get better?

I so desperately want to be a stay at home mum that I am lying awake at night trying to find a way around it. You see, I am the main breadwinner in our house. We just could not afford to live without my salary. It actually really really makes me mad that there are some people on benefits out there that can afford not to work and yet still live in luxury. Don't get me wrong, I am not criticising anyone on benefits who really need it or for those that it tops up what little salary they do get. But those that are on thousands of pounds worth, living in a council house and living a more luxurious life than I am, on what is actually considered a pretty decent salary. It's just not fair. I would never give up my job and expect the country or the government to support me. I would only ever do it, if we could afford to live off one salary.

Anyway, I am missing my boy. He goes to bed earlier now too, so when I pick him up at 4, I only have about two and half hours to actually spend any time with him and that time is normally taken up by making tea, putting a wash on, giving him a bath etc, so I don't feel like I spend any quality time with him until the weekend. He's happy enough to play around me and follow me around by crawling, but I don't sit down and play with him that often.

I do like my job, and I know I want to continue to work. I just have to get used to missing him. I feel really sad for my old, albeit brief, life of being a stay at home mum whilst on maternity leave. I miss those lovely, long luxurious days we had together.

I suppose I need to focus and wise up. Realise that this isn't going to change. Unless we win the lottery of course. Which isn't about to happen anytime soon!

If you have any useful ideas of businesses I can run at home then do get in touch! Ha!

Sleep Training. How I got Charlie to sleep

As you may know, I went back to work at the start of the new school year and all was well for a few weeks; Charlie continued his one night time wake and it was manageable. And then we moved. I gave him a few weeks to settle into being in his own room and in a new house as he was waking a few times, but then he got worse and was going down at 7.30 and waking up between 10-11 and then again between 12-2 and then again nearly every hour or so after that. I was exhausted and I am sure hubby was too. The final straw was when I got ill. Properly ill,  as in spent three whole days in bed sleeping and not eating. Ask my mum or the hubby - I never do that when ill! I think the lack of sleep had really taken its effect on me and I knew it was time to do something. Loads of people had mentioned controlled crying or sleep training and I was completely dead set against it. I think I have even said on this blog I couldn't leave my baby to cry without comforting him. But I was at my wits end. He is nearly 8 months old now and he is waking in the night for a feed completely out of habit. It also coincided with the health visitor coming and suggesting sleep training that I decided that we needed to give it a go, not just for our sake, but for Charlie's too, as he can't get himself to sleep at night and only sometimes during the day.

So on the first day of half term, we began 'sleep training.' As I said, I'm not a huge fan of the whole concept of controlled crying or whatever you want to call it, so I modified it to make it work for us. Here's how I did it:

- Bedtime routine started. This involved PJ's, sleeping bag and then I  fed him and read him a story. He was still quite awake after this so I fed him again for a few more minutes.
- Took him upstairs, kissed him and put him in his cot, awake and said goodnight. I already had music playing and his nigh light was on.
- I went out of the room and sat on my bed!
- Charlie played happily in his cot for about 10 minutes. I don't mind this, as long as he's quiet and eventually goes to sleep then I don't see this as a problem.
- After 10 minutes, he started to whimper.
- The whimpering turned to crying.
- Crying turned to screaming. The screaming got so bad at one point that he was coughing and making himself choke.
- From the moment I put him down awake I checked on him every 4 minutes for 20 minutes. After that I extended it to 5 minutes.
- After 48 minutes his cries became a whimper and within 2 minutes the whimpering had stopped and he was quiet - I couldn't believe it but I didn't dare go in to check him this time as I didn't want to disturb him if he was just in the process of falling asleep.
- I waited another 5 or so minutes, checked him and he was asleep!
- So the whole thing took about 55 minutes. It was hard hearing him cry like that, but it worked - he fell asleep.

He slept until 5am! I couldn't believe it! Night two, I did exactly the same thing, he went down awake and it took 12 minutes for him to fall asleep. Night three and four was twenty minutes and since then he goes down awake and within 5 minutes, he is generally asleep. Coincidentally this has coincided with him starting to crawl properly - so I am not sure if he was in the middle of a sleep regression due to trying to master a new skill.

What we still need to conquer is that he is still waking around 1am and 5am for a feed. 5am I don't mind so much, but I really want to phase the 1am waking out. I'm going to give it another week or so and see how it's going and then make a plan from there really.

So all in all, it definitely worked for us. So far anyway. We're not completely there yet, but the situation is so much better now. I feel so much better too, less grumpy and grouchy and can actually concentrate at work and do something productive!

So yeah it was great!

The End.

That's it. My maternity leave is now over. I am back to work on Monday morning.

I cannot quite believe how fast it has gone. It has been the most amazing time of my life in fact, which I know sounds a bit cheesy, but it has. When Charlie was first born, it was still pretty cold, so for the first couple of weeks we spent most days snuggled in bed under the duvet, watching Jezza and This Morning. Then, once the weather got better, we have been out and about most days; meeting other mummies and babies, wandering around town, walking along the promenade and doing the odd bit of shopping! It has been wonderful and I am genuinely sad that those lovely days are now over.

I do think it's time that Charlie starts to be with other people, I feel that being around other children, particularly, will help him grow and learn and he needs new experiences. But I am still sad that from 8am-4pm he will be with someone else. I am very aware that I could miss him first crawling, or later on walking and talking. But, when we planned a baby, I knew that when he would be six months I would have to return to work.

I do, however, feel grateful that I have had these six months. I know not everyone  has this opportunity and has to return a lot sooner than I have, so I know I should feel grateful. At the beginning I worried how Charlie would cope without me. I was at the centre of his world back then. But now, as he's getting a bit older, I see that actually, he will cope without me, he will be fine. He doesn't need me as exclusively as he did when he was tiny and only feeding from me. He's eating food now as well as still taking milk. But that makes me sad. He's growing way too fast and me being at work will miss a lot of this.

However I am staying positive; I have some lovely friends at work, it will be nice to see them and talk about other things than baby TV and what Charlie had for lunch that day. It will be nice to use my brain again. I am though, aware of the irony that basically I am leaving my son with someone else so I can go and look after other people's children!!

Because I am going back to work and am a slightly different shape than I was before being pregnant, I of course, have had to buy a few new bits for work! Such as this gorgeous dog jumper and this lovely dress.
And of course I had to buy a new bag! I chose the Zara office bag that I saw Charlotte with from writelikenooneswatching. It's a fabulous bag and I love it! So these things are easing the pain of going back to work, but I am still sad.

I will cherish our weekends together and our evenings and I know that I have his lovely smiley face to look forward to when I pick him up. And I know he will have lots of fun with his new friends.

But I will miss him...

mummystartingout x

Wriggly Rascals - bump, baby and toddler!

I can't actually remember how or when I came across Wriggly Rascals. But, one day I had a tweet that I just thought was another one of those unwanted spam things, until I read it properly and it was a message from Shona, who runs the website, asking me to write a little blog post for their website. There was a choice of topics and I chose 'Alcohol in Pregnancy' - if you know me personally you might understand why haha!

A little while later I was asked to write another and then came an invitation to join the site's bloggers and I was thrilled!

Wriggly Rascals is a site set up by Mum of twins, Shona, where other mums and mums to be (or even Dads!) can go and ask advice or browse the articles already there for information and support. Articles range from pregnancy questions to weaning your baby and beyond! It really is a wealth of information and what's even better is that all the answers are written and provided by other mums, so it's advice you can trust.

You can also complete a survey yourself on a given topic and earn 'points' to spend on the pop up shops that they have every so often. The more surveys you complete the more points you get! You can also read their results of the surveys, however, if you subscribe you get more detailed content from the results.

You can also join their affiliate scheme, where you earn more by referring your friends or you blog readers.

If you want to find out more then hop over to their website and have a little look around! Click here.

mummystartingout x

Some things that I love #37

Happy Sunday people!

Once again, I am linking up with butwhymummywhy to share some things that I've been loving this week.

Here goes...

Something I read

Hmmm... this was tricky, as at the moment, I am finding it very hard to find time to sit down and read! Charlie is certainly keeping us busy! However I am slowly working my way through From Notting Hill to New York Actually by Ali McNamara and it's actually quite good. My Mum bought it for me for Christmas and I had saved it for my hospital bag but I never got round to reading it.

Something I watched

Sorry to say it but Big Brother! Every year the hubby and I convince ourselcves we won't get in to it but every year without fail, we do! I have actually really enjoyed it this year, the arguments have been hilarious!

Something I wore 

I am loving my new dress from Topshop.

Something I listened to

Once again, not finding much time to listen to anything! However, I have been listening to the Les Mis soundtrack! I love it! 

Something I cannot live without

Charlie of course!

If you want to join in, just hop along to butwhymummywhy and follow the link.

mummystartingout x

2 years. Our own love story.

Today is our second wedding anniversary! It's being spent slightly different to last year's anniversary, where we spent it at a luxurious lodge, in the hot tub drinking champagne. Things are different now; we have a 5 month old baby and no money!! But champagne will still be involved and possibly a yummy take away.

So I thought I'd share some of our wedding photos with you. It was a beautiful sunny day when we got married, in fact it was blisteringly hot and I got sun burnt whilst hanging around for the photos! But everything was wonderful and everyone had such as good day.

We got married at Stonyhurst College in Lancashire and then moved onto The Spread Eagle at Sawley. We had lots of photos taken in the ruins of Sawley Abbey and they were fantastic. But here's just a snippet....

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mummystartingout x

What happened to my baby that slept through?!

Charlie was not a fan of sleep for the first three weeks of his life, just like lots of other newborns. From about 10pm - 4am every night, he screamed or moaned or whinged and then about 4am he would drop off for a couple of hours. Then, at Easter, when he was about three and a half weeks old, we went away to stay with my parents for a week and all of a sudden one night, he went to sleep at 11 and stayed asleep until 5am! I couldn't believe it. He carried on doing this and gradually the 11pm became 10.30, which became 10 which then became 9pm. Annoyingly he would not go to sleep before this though! The 5am also started getting later and he would sometimes sleep until 7am ish. I started to feel better and look less tired and everything was running along smoothly.

And then, all of a sudden a couple of weeks ago, he woke at 1am, then 3am, then 5am and then 7am! What?! The next few nights he continued to wake up a couple of times, if not more. We are now approaching the end of two weeks of this and I am knackered again. Fortunately, I am still off work, but I go back in 5 weeks so how the heck am I supposed to plan and teach lessons to hormonal teenagers if I am not getting much sleep! When he does wake, he won't go back to sleep without a feed, so he gets in bed with us, meaning that I have to cling to the edge of the bed and therefore I don't sleep well. Co-sleeping was easier when he was teeny. Don't get me wrong, I still love it, but the logistics are slightly different now.

Charlie was 20 weeks on Tuesday. I am not sure if his constant wakening is due to a) the weather; it has been so humid here lately, b) milk isn't satisfying him enough now and he needs more; or c) he just fancies more cuddles! I went into work for a week just before he started doing this and I was told that this can often result in babies wake up more frequently during the night as they want to be with their mummy as they haven't seen them as much and haven't fed as much. But it's still happening so I don't know if that's the case or not.

We have started giving him a few spoonfuls of fruit puree and veg puree here and there. Hopefully this might start filling him up if it is hunger, but I am also trying to stop him dropping off too soon during his last feed to try and ensure he is completely full. What else it could be down to, I really don't know!

I miss my sleep! I had got used to it and was clearly taking it for granted! I really hope he settles back down as I forgot how lack of sleep, also coupled with anaemia can make you feel!!

Please Charlie, be good for mummy and go back to just waking the once.

mummystartingout x

Co-Sleeping

Sorry I've been a bit absent, having a baby is much more time consuming than I had ever imagined! And much more worthwhile than I had imagined. I have lots of posts coming up soon, but Shona and Cecile from Wriggly Rascals asked if I'd like to write another post for their website for other Mums on the subject of co-sleeping.

I felt very uncomfortable about co-sleeping with my baby, that is, until I had a baby! And then everything changed. So here is the link to my article and I would also like to know what you think about co-sleeping? Have you done it? How was your experience with it? Or if you don't agree with co-sleeping, then what are your reasons?

Also, Shona and Cecile would love you to share your experiences of co-sleeping on their site too, in order to help other mums just like us! Please click here to be directed to the survey.

mummustartingout x

Some things that I love

It's been a while since I last blogged - babies do take up quite a bit of time, but things are getting much easier now and he is letting me put him down for more than 5 mins at a time!

So I decided to link up with butwhymummywhy and join in with her 'Some things that I love'

Something I read

When Charlie was born we had some difficulties getting to grips with breastfeeding and so my lovely friend lent me her book - The Womanly Art Of Breastfeeding. This book has been my lifesaver and when I felt like giving up breastfeeding completely it really helped me to focus and give it another go. I am so grateful for this book, without it I would probably be using formula now.

Something I watched 

I don't get a lot of time to watch TV! I tend to have This Morning on in the background in the mornings but in the evening hubby takes over the TV! I was out the other week in town and popped in to Superdrug where they had Les Miserables for £9.99. Hubby wouldn't come to the cinema with me to see it as he hates things like this so I hadn't seen it. So I got the DVD and managed to watch it whilst hubby was out last week. It is amazing! I didn't know what to expect but it is really good. I wasn't too keen on Russell Crowe as Javier but the rest of the film was fab.

Something I wore 

Whilst I was still pregnant I bought a few bits of clothing with some Christmas money I had been given to save for after Charlie was born. One of them was these jeans from River Island. I love them! Even better I had to return them and get a size smaller as they were too big after pregnancy as I lost so much weight to begin with, down to breastfeeding I think. So I am loving wearing these, they are skinny but stretchy and I love the pattern down the side of them. 

Something I listened to

As I am not watching much TV I have started downloading more music onto my iPhone, especially to listen to in the car. Charlie seems to be soothed by music, particularly Empire State of Mind! But my favourite track at the moment is Still Into You by Paramore. It seems a bit cheesy but I think it sums up hubby and me at the minute. 

Something I cannot live without 

This has to be Charlie! He is my world and I cannot believe I made him! I miss him when he is in someone else's arms, which I know is stupid, but I just can't get enough of him. He is really growing up now and has begun to smile and laugh quite a bit. He is still small in weight for his age, but he is gaining weight well so no one is concerned about him. He has such as wonderful little personality and he loves to play, especially with his daddy. He sits and talks to his animals and it is just the most wonderful sound! 

If you would like to join in with Some things that I Love, please pop along to butwhymummywhy.com and click the linky to enter. 

mummystartingout x

Another one taken too soon

You might remember that throughout most of my pregnancy I worried something would happen to my baby. I worried I would miscarry and then once we got past 24 weeks I worried each time I didn't feel him move for a while. So the sense of relief when they finally placed a damp, warm creature on my chest I cannot describe. Tonight I thank my lucky stars that Charlie was born safely and I have my gorgeous, wonderful nine week old. But I will never, ever take it for granted.

On Sunday my lovely friend who I first met at nursery, before going onto the same primary and secondary school with and then the same college, had her long awaited baby girl. She and her partner had been trying for 15 months to conceive their baby. During delivery the baby's shoulder got stuck and she was deprived of oxygen for far too long. When they did get her out she needed to be resuscitated and they then put her in an incubator. Unfortunately she didn't respond well after being starved of oxygen for so long and on Tuesday night heaven decided to claim another angel. 

Another angel taken far too soon. I cannot even begin to comprehend how losing your child, whatever age, must feel  like. How do you even begin to carry on after that? It really makes me wonder about god and religion. If there is a god, why would he give someone the wonderful gift of a child and then take it straight away? What is the point? 

My Grandma always used to say that heaven always chooses the best ones first, but that's no comfort to the ones left behind. 

I am utterly devastated for my lovely friend and her family. It would have been their first grandchild. It still is, but it will always be tinged with complete sadness and devastation. 

The past two nights I've cuddled my boy so tight and not been bothered when he cries. I've checked on him every few minutes when he's been sleeping and told him how much I love him. I feel blessed that I have my healthy boy but I will never take him for granted. Nothing is forever. 

Rest in peace little baby Annabella. Sleep well xx

Mummystartingout x

8 weeks as a Mummy - what I've learnt

1. That the first few weeks are as hard as people tell you they will be. Stupidly I thought "how bad can it be" haha I laugh in the face of my naivety now! Those first few weeks ARE tough, but they do pass and it gets better.

2. That just because baby naps between 10am and 1pm one day, does not mean he will do it again the next day. Or ever.

3. If you have a boy baby, always point his willy downwards when changing his nappy!

4. If you're breast feeding and don't use a boob for a few hours it will hurt! And go huge and very hard. I have willed Charlie to wake up a few times just for some relief!

5. That even if your baby sleeps quite well at night, you will still be tired. There is so much to throughout the day.

6. The washing bag or washing line/maiden will never ever be empty again! Babies go through a lot of clothes. Plus if you're using real nappies that's never ending too.

7. Baby poo looks like chicken korma.

8. You will miss your baby even if he is in the same room as you but in someone else's arms.

9. Nothing can prepare you for seeing how upset they are at their 8 week jabs.

10. That you cannot comprehend the love you have for this tiny little person. Even when they've woken up for the fourth time in the night for a feed, they are still the most precious thing in your life and nothing can prepare you for the love you will feel for them.

11. You will never have clean clothes or bedding. Babies can puke without any warning!

12. Sitting down for a cup of tea in peace will start to be classed as a luxury.

13. Getting out of the house takes 10 times longer. You think you've got everything/everyone ready and then the baby throws up/needs a clean nappy/change of clothes/needs feeding etc.

14. Despite saying 'Oh I'll never watch trash like Jeremy Kyle' you start watching it and look forward to it every day.

15. The first few weeks you will survive off  toast, tea, diet coke, water and haribo. Oh and a lot of chocolate. I couldn't stop eating giant cadbury buttons in the first few weeks!

It's still the best time of your life though and smiles like this make it all worthwhile.

mummystartingout x

Breast feeding - 7 weeks in

The Saturday after Charlie was born on the Tuesday I nearly gave up breast feeding. The night of his birth he wouldn't feed. No one told me that babies who have a traumatic delivery often don't feed for a day or so as they recover from the birth. Apparent babies are born with enough in them to keep them going 24-36 hours without needing to feed. How true that is I don't know. But Charlie wouldn't feed. When he did start getting hungry he would fuss and fret when trying to latch. Then when he did latch he fed and fed and fed. So by the Saturday afternoon I was sore, tired and still also recovering from the birth myself. I couldn't put him down and I remember just thinking I just want a bath! So I nearly gave in and went to formula.

After some tears, some harsh words from hubby (which I didn't appreciate at the time, but in hindsight, helped) and a bit of time to have a wash, a glass of wine and a nice meal cooked by my mum I stuck with it.

The next few weeks were still difficult. He still fretted when latching and my supply was all over the place. He fed on demand every 2 hours or so and it was hard going. Many times I thought formula feeding would be easier - it wouldn't always have to involve me. However then it snowed, our power was out for four days and we were snowed in - if I hadn't had been breast feeding I would have had no way of feeding my baby. It made me realise that actually breast feeding is important - to me anyway. I don't go around advocating "breast is best" but I do think it's what I want for my baby. No one can deny the benefits.

It has not been easy. There have been plenty of times I felt like giving up. Particularly when he's gone through growth spurts and fed all day. But so far I've stuck with it and today marks 7 weeks of breast feeding so I feel proud that I've stuck it out and made it this far.

The past couple of weeks I think I've found my stride with it. I breast fed in public for the first time. Albeit with another breast feeding mummy, but I then went on to go it on my own, just Charlie and me, in a cafe. I've also started to express once a day during the first morning feed. I'm getting about 4-5 oz each time and freezing it so that in a few weeks the hubby can start getting involved feeding and give him this and also in preparation for when I go back to work.

I still think formula feeding would make things slightly easier on me but on the whole it's not worth it for me. At the minute Charlie may cluster feed from 6pm - 11pm most evenings, but then he sleeps until 4/5 in the morning. Last night he even went until 6.10am! We are getting there and settling into a pattern. I know this stage doesn't last forever. And when he lays his hand on my chest and looks up into my eyes during feeding it makes it all worthwhile.
Mummystartingout x

This Week's Memories

Lovely gifts from friends

Finally getting around to using my butter dish!

All snuggled up for a walk

Enjoying his new baby gym!

My Mother's day present 

Looking cute. He did not stay this way that day!

Mid-week treat! 

Dancing 

More lovely gifts from friends 

Nap time! 

Baby diary - 6 weeks

I know a lot of fellow bloggers are doing this and I don't want to be seen as 'jumping on the band wagon' but I really want to have something that charts my little boy's early days. So I'm not going to do it as a series of letters but more a diary style of major events and changes ans also less significant developments. 

6 WEEKS 

I cannot believe my boy is six weeks old today. Time is definitely y flying and going too fast. I am already dreading going back to work and that's not until September!

The health visitor came last week and he weighed 8lb 9oz, so he has put a whole lb on since the midwife discharged us! She also said he was very alert and had great head control. 

He has started to sleep a lot less during the day unless I take him out in the pram or the car, but since he sleeps from 10.30pm ish until 4/5 i am not too concerned. He tends to wake up at this point for a short feed and then goes back to sleep until about 7ish. Although i often have to put him n with us as he can be a bit unsettled from this time in his basket. It's lovely to snuggle up to him in bed, he's so warm and snuggly and it seems to settle him. 

He then wakes up about 7-8 for another feed and then stays awake until about 10ish. Sometimes he will then have a three hour nap and sometimes he will just have an hour or so. This is the time i fly around trying o get jobs done, have a shower,m breakfast etc. I bought him a babygym so once he wakes up and has been fed I try and put him on this for a bit. He's not good at sitting on his own and much prefers to be in some one's arms! 

The rest of the day is still not in a routine really. We tend to nip out for a bit after lunch, so he might sleep. If not he can get a bit grizzly after lunch time. We have a withcing hour from about 7-10at night. Again sometimes, he will drop off for a nap between 8-10 and sometimes he won't. I take him up about 10.30 for a final feed and he goes to sleep about 11. His night routine seems to be much more established than his day routine, but since it means we are getting a decent sleep at night, I really don't mind. 

He seems to suffer from a  bit of wind or colic. I am going to speak to the health visitor next week as not sure which one it is. I think it's trapped wind as after a lot of trumping he seems much better! He scan scream the house down when it strikes and he goes purple screaming and straining. It's horrible to watch, but we have been using gripe water and lots of cuddles and eventually it goes away. 

Unfortunately, he seems to be a bit of a grazer and seems to snack all day. As I am breastfeeding this can be a bit difficult, but as he's still so young I am just going with it. I am trying to make him feed for longer, but often he drops off or stops himself. He seems to cluster feed all evening, again it's a bit of a pain, but I am just going with it and letting him establish his own pattern. 

He seems to be able to roll himself over already! Especially when he is on his play mat! He seems to be growing so quick, but he is still in newborn clothes at the moment, which I am pleased about as he was so tiny and I just want him to stay that way! He is so cute. 

Hopefully as he gets a bit older, he will grow out of the cluster feeding and the wind but we will see. We are enjoying lots of cuddles and walks and getting to know each other. 

We haven't yet met up with any other new mums, but we have lots of plans this week! 

mummystartingout x

Our boy Charlie. 6 weeks old.